What can I do now to make MY biography less disjointed than Twain’s?

That is a tough question, because I am not really good at writing essays. If I ever write an auto-biography, I would not use bad language, tell the absolute truth, spell properly (not saying that Mark Twain did not know how to spell, because he defiantly tons better that me at spelling), and I will try to use some big and long words, like prejudice, to describe what I am saying, and I will try not to add too many too jokes and riddles here and there.
I will not use words inappropriately or use bad language, like cussing and swearing, because for one; that is just not like me, and secondly; I do not like using bad language except Stupid, Dumb, and Dummy (not target dummies, but more like name calling or another word for telling someone or something that they are dumb) every once in a long while. I will try to tell the truth (being Honest), because for one I do not like lying (liars), and second because I it when people lie to you.. And adding some jokes and riddles every so often, is that will not lose the reader or bore the poor readers and to put some of my humour in.
To be honest to all you readers I, am like most people, would remember some important events, names, and places. And after a year or so without thinking about those important things, I will not remember unless something or someone reminds me of the event. I will try to be like Mark Twain when he does not use bad language but gestures to the bad or ill-used words reader that a person is using bad language in the book; for an example: I will try not to use any BAD language, an I might use some phase for words like W.O.W which means Word of Wisdom, ASAP – a soon as possible, AKA – also known as, and many others.
I might tell some stories that had happened in my life, unlike Mark Twain, I will tell the full story and what and how it happened. I might even remind the reader of any injuries or adventures that I had (believe me; most of my stories might be boring to you, readers,). I might even mention a few scripture reference (from the King James Version of the Bible or from the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Convents, and Pearl of Great Price).

Here’s the dictionary that I suggest you use: http://webstersdictionary1828.com/ (this dictionary uses words from the 1800’s).

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